just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
Randomize
