I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
Randomize
