he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
Randomize
