Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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