her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
Randomize
