Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize
