But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
Randomize
