She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
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