i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
Randomize
