I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
you win again, gameday.
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
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