Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
Randomize
