and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
Randomize
