Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
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