he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
Randomize
