thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
Randomize
