i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
Randomize
