she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
Randomize
