Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
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