I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
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