she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
Randomize
