yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
Randomize
