Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
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