roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
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