Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
Randomize
