This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
I would fuck him just for his dog
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
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