last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
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