I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
Randomize
