I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
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