I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
Randomize
