new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
Randomize
