Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
Randomize
