Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
