Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
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