What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
Randomize
