Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
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