Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
Randomize
