With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
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