Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Randomize
