This is evicking siegelnvs
Im sorry?
This is fucking ridiculous*
Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
This house was built for laser tag.
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
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