Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
it's great music for shaving your balls
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
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