He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
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