im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
Randomize
