my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Randomize
