I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
Randomize
