Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Randomize
