in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
I came so hard my ears popped.
Randomize
