Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
Randomize
