I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
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