youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
Randomize
