I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize
