I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
Randomize