i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
Randomize