if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
Randomize
