I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
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