Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
What drink are we having for lunch?
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
My ass is underappreciated
Randomize
