You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
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