I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
Randomize
