why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
Randomize
