operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
I feel like death gave me a hand job
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
Randomize
