I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
i black out too much to be "responsible"
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
