to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
