you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
Randomize
