i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
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