While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
Randomize
