so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
Randomize
