So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
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