I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
time to smoke my breakfast
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
Randomize
