i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
Randomize
